Funny Christmas Messages

Dearest God, this Christmas I planned on going green. So please get the point and send me lots of cash this Christmas. Thank you!

Christmas is the festival of love and spirit. So let us drink the spirit to feel love; Merry Christmas too!

I don’t understand why people like to say “Mary Christmas.” Isn’t it Jesus’ birthday? We should say, “Jesus Christmas.”

Santa told me you’d been very good this year; I told him it was just a lack of opportunity. Merry Christmas!

Christmas is not only for praying and praising. But for drinking and messing around also. Merry Christmas!

A peach is a peach, a plum is a plum, a kiss is not a kiss unless it’s with tongues. So open your mouth and close your eyes and give your tongue some exercise! Merry Christmas!

Christmas is a time for remembering family and trying to guess everyone’s sizes! Have a Wonderful Christmas!

Santa was looking at a painting for a long time of a naked woman with leaves covering the body. Santa asked what are you doing and she answered: Waiting for autumn.

I mistakenly wrapped your Christmas present in a paper that says “Happy Birthday”. So I added the wording “to Jesus” on it. Merry Christmas!

Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.

There are four stages in life: 1) You believe in Santa Claus. 2) You don’t believe in Santa Claus. 3) You are Santa Claus. 4) You look like Santa Claus.

I think Santa should hire giants instead of elves so that he can have a faster production of gifts. Have a fun Christmas!

A Christmas Reminder: Don’t try to borrow any money from elves; They’re always a little short! Have a Merry Christmas!

Dear Santa, If you promise to be nice and give me everything on my list, I promise to give you the antidote to those poison cookies you just ate. Thank you.

I would say all I want for Christmas is YOU, But I really would love a new credit card as well!

Hey you two over there, It’s the old, bearded guy and his silly reindeer! We’re here to bring you holiday cheer and wishes for a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Santa left batteries under the tree with a note that said “Due to cutbacks, toys not included.

Is Santa so busy that he cannot find time to groom himself? I think he needs to shave his beard.

I have Kept some photos in my home So come here instead of Church you can drink and pray, And no more boring speech from the priest Merry Christmas and Happy New year!

Everyone knows the most important part of the Christmas celebration is spending time with family you don’t get to see very often. Then you have an excuse to neglect them for the rest of the year.

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