Funny Christmas Quotes

“Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of this day – the birth of Santa? – Matt Groening

“You better watch out, You better not cry, Better not pout, I’m telling you why Santa Claus is coming to town.” – Haven Gillespie

“Let’s be naughty and save Santa the trip.” – Gary Allan

“Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.” – Phyllis Diller

“Sending Christmas cards is a good way to let your friends and family know that you think they’re worth the price of a stamp.” – Melanie White

“Santa is very jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live.” – Dennis Miller

“Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and receipts for all major purchases.” – Bridger Winegar

“Even before Christmas has said Hello, it’s saying ‘Buy Buy’.” – Robert Paul

“Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.” – Larry Wilde

“What I like about Christmas is that you can make people forget the past with the present.” – Don Marquis

“Christmas is like candy; it slowly melts in your mouth sweetening every taste bud, making you wish it could last forever.” – Richelle Goodrich

“Santa Claus has the right idea – visit people only once a year.” – Victor Borge

“One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas Day. Don’t clean it up too quickly.” – Andy Rooney

“Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, he must be a communist. And a beard and long hair must be a pacifist. What’s in that pipe that he’s smoking? – Arlo Guthrie

“From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist, it would be necessary to invent it.” – Katharine Whitehorn

“Be careful with drinking this Christmas. I got so drunk last night I found myself dancing in a cheesy bar… or, as you like to call it, delicatessen.” – Sean Hughes

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